I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
