The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
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Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
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Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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