I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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