I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
