yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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