My underwear smells like fireworks.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
