Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
