I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
