If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
