I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
