i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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