One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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