Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
