The maid of honor just puked.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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