Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
