Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
