you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
