If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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