Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got inside last night via doggy door
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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