Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
