I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
