So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
