i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
be right there i have to get my cape
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
