i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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