every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
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The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
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After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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