lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
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I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
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It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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