then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
