i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
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Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
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I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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