those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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