That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I could fuck to npr.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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