So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
