i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
