Yo dont text me then not text me
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
