im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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