All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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