If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
