remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
