its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
