Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
