Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
