Swine flu. Run for my life!
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
