I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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