Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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