Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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