I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
