Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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