Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
