hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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