I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
