see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
