She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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