She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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