i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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