Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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