So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
