just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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