I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
