Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize