As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
