Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
