I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
