its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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