4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
