Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
