i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
