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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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