it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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