There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
