Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
