i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
