Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
